he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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