my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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