Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
