Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
