fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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