woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
