A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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