i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
