My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize