He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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