actually, I'm a sock model
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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