I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
