my phone needs a breathalizer
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
