people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
