plz talk dirty to me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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