why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
