I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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