I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Girls should come with a carfax report
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
