I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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