Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
