he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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