i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
