Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
