so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
