im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
