I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
