Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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