I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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