Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
