I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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