Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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