you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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