Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
