the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
