I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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