the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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