Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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