he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
