May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't deserve a penis
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
