How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
