i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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