I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
