you would pick up someone in the library
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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