so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
