Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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