She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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