I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
