You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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