The maid of honor just puked.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
