I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I should be sponsored by Trojan
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
