drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize