I heard we made out
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
