please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
