Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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