We won't sleep together?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
