I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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