I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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