My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
