My room smells like vodka and shame
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am spending my child support on dildos
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
