And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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