Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If I die, sorry about rent.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
