I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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