I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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