The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
