she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
