Don't make out with my wife yet
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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