What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
