I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
