my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.