My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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