i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.