please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
