i barfeds in our rink
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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