My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.