So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
