just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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