woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she peed on how many people?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.