Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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